My Blog

hehe, guess it’s kind a too late for me to think about a new year resolution, hellooo in the month of February??!!. Anyhow still think I need to jot down few things on how things have been going, what are the NEW Life I am capturing about and A new Beginning I am encountering into… hehe..

Hmm..where do I start??? Guess it all began in Jan 08 once I’ve been accepted to CSM and make new GREATTTEST frIends EVER there… how it all blooms just within 3 months and how close each one of us gets into just within those limited time… but it never stops there after few of us had to change our path and courses (ecewah…but it’s true what?? ;P) One flying off to become a dedicated lecturer but currently Pegawai Kerajaan Uuuuu knowww..hehe.. and one to pursue as what he had dreamt all along..al ustadz al lawyer hehehe.. and of course myself, embarking new journey in a different career path. And while in CSM as well, i’m engaged  ( never thought, it would be that soon..ihiks kengkonon taww). Anyway it was such an eventful day, all people I care about and bosses are there hehe ( Mr. Teddy Bear pun datangg taww). So months passes and I thankGod for the cherish moment I had as his fiancee.. ye la people always say, period pertunangan is always full of cabaran and dugaan, but luckily we managed to get through and no big fights arose.. hehehe.. (ye Ke?? ihiks)

With new career path, I left CSM and joined PROTON. Here I’ve met new people along the way and gets closer each and every day. But definitely with new challenge and story for each day. I strive and tried hard to get through the day and pray to GOD for the very best of it..and through hardship and moments in PROTON I’ve tied the knot with the one I love on 25th Dec 2008. It was a blast and memorable event (haruslah kan once in a lifetime only hehehe)  as others cherish and pray along  for the very the best for both of us.. aminnn… And on that VERY MY day, I’ve enjoyed every moment of it as family, friends and long lost acquintance gathered around to celebrate my last day to uphold the title of CIK and first day to a new title of PUAN…walalala.

So here I am embarking on a new journey and new life as someone’s wife and of course to uphold the title as Puan… pergh giler kekok..hehe.. well for those who will and about to be in da ‘club’ (hehe dedicated to Cik Liza a.k.a Carrie Bradshaw and Cik Leen Mafia).. get yourself used to it k..hehehe… whatever it is I am happy with what I had in 2008 and looking forward to more spicy history to make this year… hahahahahaha… insya allah

pejam celik pejam celik dah 2 minggu lebih aku memegang title penganggur..ahaks..caya laa..hingat title tuh lambat lagi nak tiba..sekali tup tup di anugerahkan..hahaha…tapi title tuh valid untuk 2 minggu jek hehehe…5hb nih berubah la hala tuju hidup ku ke PROTON…ahaks..cam tak caya jek dalam masa yg singkat aku dah tukar 2 keja..hehe..ingat CyberSecurity Malaysia laa tempat aku dengan jayanye membina empayar..tapi tuh a rezeki datang bergolek..takkan a nak tolak plak kan..hehe…tapi aku masih ada doubt samada aku boleh atau tidak menjana kat tempat baru…takut sehh..hehe…lain gayanye masa aku masuk tempat lama….tah tempat lama tuh aku rasa cam slamba katak jek aku leh masuk..walaupun ada nervous sket sket…tapi tak a blur cam skang nih..aku tak tau nak expect apa kat tempat baru nih…padahal lebey kurang jek keadaanye. Kot dulu mungkin a ada lin, tapi yg baru nih ada adik tuita pun dia dok bangunan lain..aaaa…takut sehh..camne laa aku nak bersosial huhu… tapi so far masa aku wat medical check up kat sane..tengok org sekeliling ramah tamah..hehe…harusla kan derang ramah tamah..kalu wat muka garang2 musti org lari..hikhik..tapi tah aku rasa cam kureng…apa yg kureng tuh aku pun tak tau… eii rasa cam nak jek suh geng2 opis lama join sekaki masuk tempat aku..kasik havoc sket..ahaks..tak leh lupe tea break laa, mines laa, ngumpat ngumpet, blogs akakaa..banyak laa..hehe…in which aku sendiri cam tak caya leh mesra dgn insan2 nih dalam masa yg singkat. Nak kate dah berkurun kenal takde plak..tapi tuh laa semedang jek serasi..sampai aku leh rasa rindu..huhuhu..rindu ngan keriuhan n kemesraan seme.. baik dari cik ros (from down under) ahaks sampai laa ayu procurement… aa tuh lum masuk sebelah sideway lagik tuh ita vogue ngan kakjid ever glam  ahaks .. leh mesraaaa cengitu.. best aa korang… n of course geng2 yang senantiasa tetapp di jhiwaa ahaks…kak yati,izwan, lin, yas, aiya, n ijam…hehe winduu bangatttt.. korang laa penyebab nak g opis..korang la generator ku..ekeke.. Tak tau la camne nak menjana di tempat baru..whatever it is aku harap aku boleh, Boleh bina empayar walaupun takde generator2 nih di samping ku.. huhu

it’s been a while aku tak menulis lam nih..tapi tuh la takde cetusan idea aku nak lakar..bukan tak de benda2 happening jadi lam idup aku..banyak sampai kengkadang tak sempat aku nak hembus nafas dah datang lain plak…tapi tuh laa nak jadikan ia dalam bentuk perkataan tuh agak mencabar minda aku…tapi aku akan cube..semangat plak tetiba..bukan ape bila aku belek balik entry2 aku yang lelama…aku rasa excitement tuh datang balik..camne tuh penulis sendiri teruja baca tulisan sendiri ekekke…tapi takpe laa kalu org tak excited baca entry aku tak kisah..it’s just for my reading pleasure and place for me to express what i thought.. Ok getting back to the main point..guess I’ll try to sum it all up in here..ala2 cam history of my life la plakk tapi yang current laa hehe..kalu yang lelama nanti korang dah bosan laks ekekeke lagi berjela cenggitu..haha..

So far aku skang dah bertitle ‘berkerjaya’..hehe bukan lagi petani anggur yang berjaya seperti dedulu. Tapi takde la aku menganggur mana pun..income still masyuk dari tutoring tapi I guess real job yang cuba di highlightkan.. tapi aku nak cerita dulu sebelum aku bertitle ‘bekerjaya’ sampai la to the point things are rite now… To be exact starting from my last contribution to the tution centre last year…aku sebenarnya sedey nak tinggalkan tempat tuh…I love the kids, I love the excitement, I miss all the moments watching those kids bloom and boggling into their mind. It was fun eventhough sometimes it’s hectic tapi I just love it..Walaupun ramai yang tak approve aku continue kat situ for the past 3 years tapi aku SUKA!! Aku memang bebetul suka. Tapi dalam aku suka-suka aku jadi sedih… sedih fikirkan kerenah orang kacang lupakan kulit… Aku sedih sampai tak terkata dengan sikap sesetengah orang yang ALWAYS misinterprete my well being…Aku tau no one is perfect but then don’t take things on the surface… kaji dulu..get the points rite before making any assumptions..ini tidak bukan setakat assumptions terus jek action…and you are damn rite it hurts! Guess my final call was to leave the place… tapi aku still sakit.. aku sakit dengan cara mereka… n yet terpaksa berlakon…as though nothing is going wrong… n the same thing on the other side..if there’s a request or a favor…you wouldn’t believe how pretentious someone can be…

I guess those are just bad experience…just things to spice up my life..but I keep on wonder..why would people react on such behavior n yet seem so succeed with their life…or was it just my physical views..??

AND moving on…from there on, guess I was lucky to be accepted in one of a big organization..however I was reluctance at first to accept the post…but guess it was written I am meant to be here.. you wouldn’t believe me on how many job offers came streaming down after I’ve accepted the post. God only knows how many late night prayers I’ve made to choose my rite path and how many tears, counselling and lecturing I went through just to have my head focus in one direction. Dan akhirnya alhamdullilah I am happy to be here….walaupun pada mula aku rasa cam out of place, tak masuk kepala..tapi lelama jalan jugak dan syukur sangat sebab ada orang leh terima aku seadanya…ske taww!! hihihi….. TAPI aku masih rindu keriuhan aku dengan bebudak pub dulu..yang mana aku rasa aku tak leh cari dan replace sampai skang!! isk leh la plak tercite zaman belakang..haha..tapi tuh laa..aku rindu ngan adik2 aku yang 17 orang tuh…karenah hari2, gossip2 terkini, lawak2 semasa..hihi… sedey sangat seme dah moving on…tambah lagi sedih, aku plak bakal hilang kawan2 lam umah..haha ye laa sengsorang dah nak kawenn.. termasuk a aku hikhikhik…zaman2 nih entah bila boleh putar balik.. harap2 with my new environment and new collegues…those glory days will raise itself on its momentum time..

Isk dah laa bebel…banyak2 kang penat je nak membaca… kengkarang ke sok lusa ke aku rajin2 kan tangan menceceh kat sini lagi….sampai disini saja dlu yekk…

Lagu nih aku tak tau pasal apa, tapi cam ada Magnet laks hahaha wat nama2 diatas lagu nih kak ca kasik korang sampai lebamm..timaalahh ping pong ‘cong’..haha

Do you know

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know
Do ya

If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year.
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can’t get it to speak
Maybe finding all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I’m standing on the edge and I don’t know what else to give.

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know [x3])
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know
Do ya

How can I love you

If you just don’t talk to me, babe.

I flow through my act
The question is she needed
And decide all the man I can ever be.
Looking at the last 3 years like I did,
I could never see us ending like this.
(Do you know)
Seeing your face no more on my pillow
Is a scene that’s never happened to me.
(Do you know)
But after this episode I don’t see,
you could never tell the next thing life could be

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away.
(Do you know)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed.

Do you know

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed

Do you know

[Chorus]
Do you know what it feels like
loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away
(Do you know how it feels)
Do you know what it feels like
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed

Do you know
Do ya

Do you know
Do ya

Do you know
Do ya

Kalau bilang rindu.. memang sangat rindu.. rindu pada keriuhan yang dulu.. yang sentiasa buat diri lebih bersemangat untuk menempuh hari bakal mendatang. Rindu yang teramat sangat pada kemesraan yang tak mungkin dapat tercipta dengan orang lain walaupun bertahun dikenali. Hanya dalam waktu singkat, walau ada geruh tikanya, tapi kerinduan ini mengatasi rasa semua itu. Segala yang pahit tak mungkin diingati, hanya yang manis sentiasa meniti. Aku rindu kala teringat saat pertama kali mengenali kalian. Aku rindu betapa keanak-anakannya diri kita melafazkan erti permulaan persahabatan, aku rindu kala kita mula mencari teman untuk meluahkan perasaan, aku rindu tatkala kita bergabung, menggeleng tenaga menyelesaikan masalah, aku rindu kala orang lain ingin menjadi seperti kita, aku rindu..teramat-amat rindu. Jika waktu bisa berputar kembali, ingin sekali aku genggam setiap saat-saat itu, takkan aku biarkan ia berlalu pergi untuk menuju esok hari….

how happy i am to see you there, how delightful it was talking to you, how wonderful it was to see you smile, how anxious i was knowing that you still remember, how envious i am to not to be there..how i wish time would be just for us…

was i wrong to kept the memory, was i wrong to have this feeling, was i wrong to feel jealous, was i wrong to get to close to you…

how far apart between you n me, would not be a question for me..how deep is our relationship with others, was not a barrier to me, i would always think of you and always thought of you..

if you would remember second is better than the last

how much longer do I need to endure this pain, I can’t believe its all gone, was fate not on our side? Has it been sentenced that we are not meant to be? Even only for a few second? I still treasure THAT moment..that few minutes even thought it may not meant anything to you.. and I’ve ruined it, but how was i supposed to react? at that specific time? was it a test? at that very moment..you wouldn’t know how happy i was to see you there, to meet you there, to talk with you..even only for few lines…i guess that was it..that was the closure..but i am still hoping, hoping that you’ll be there again, n be as what we use to be..even virtually..i know this sound insane..but how was i suppose to heal the pain? missing you n treasuring moments with you?? Please do be there………….

FINAL SEMESTER..dah sebulan berlalu, lagi 3 bulan insya allah tamatlah pengajian aku di sini. Macam tak percaya masa berlalu begitu cepat. Tup..tup dah part 6, tapi bila balik school aku still rasa seperti budak junior lagi, hehe, mungkin sebab dah lama tak balik school tu sebab rasa lain. Nak tambah lagi rasa keasingan tengok muka-muka baru kat cni, rasa cam derang lak rule the place hehe kita lak yg seperti outcast. whatever it is, i’m happy that this is final year, final semester, and final contribution to my fac. Tapi nak menuju final nih macam-macam dugaan timbul, first and foremost elektif punye cerita, adehh tekanan gak tapi alhamdullilah settel gak masalah tu. Next thing banyak betul kena wat visit and project paper, boleh dikatakan setiap class ada visit and project.. nak nak lagi buat project class dekan, sungguh mencabar..dugaan paling hebar rasanya untuk merealisasikan sampai peringkat kebangsaan. So far feedback menggalakan, unexpected participation org kata..moga-moga segalanya berjalan dengan lancar.

Aisehh macam-macam jadi bulan ni, rasa bulan paling busy skali dlm setahun nih, ahaks ye ke? Anyway pepehal aku ter’bangga gak dgn diri sendiri (ECEHH poyo’s lak) berjaya melunaskan academic writing aku n ‘ACE’ on it Tapi tu seme takkan berhasil kalau takde support from my beloved parents (yg hari2 bebel bila nak wat keja asyik melingkar jek ahaks), without your babling, guess i won’t be able to finish it; of course EN AMiruL tersayang, semedang jek menghilang; ‘CAYANG’ yg tukang risau, OBE rakan sengkongkol ;P, TUDEE rakan seLIBRARY, seZUMA dan seterusnya; CIK ZA utk reference APA ke? CMS ke? tarikh last hantar?; Bebudak UmAH 101, AIDA, INA & ZAM yang merelakan rumah bersepah dengan kertas2, mekasih ku ucapkan. This are the people who REALLY help me out, thanks beb jasa mu akan ku kenang selalu. OPEN TABLE ??ekeke tunggu gaji gue dehh!!

Itu kisah writing, settle writing aku kena lak jadi EMCEE tuk konsert amal tuisyen aku, berGETAR gak laa, gabra siyuts. Punya la aku tak berkomitmen sepanjang d Making of the concert..dah nak wat camne kate baru lepas raya, then wat thesis, CELAH MANA aku nak concentrate kat konsert. Ampun kak IFFAH, tapi the final weeks b4 the DAY, i really put myself into it. RASA bersalah lak tak bagi pepe komitment tp alhamdullilah cikgu2 n anak2 murid sekalian bagi full support. Thanks ALL. n i guess it was ok. I know it’s not GOOD but it was ok, n everyone was happy bout it…syukur lepas sudahh..

Skang nih tengah racky hotel lak ngan mama, ekekeke, cam terror bebeno la nak evaluate hotel’s accomodations. Tapi it was not bad, seronok pun ada wat keja nih, leh jenjalan tengok keadaan hotel n best part is mama ‘payung’ seme, hehehehe.

Sedar tak sedar dah nak hujung tahun, dan aku nih baru je merasa umur 25 tahun, ihiks kalu orang salah interprete nih musti kata tak sedar diri dah tua perasan nak jadik muda. Tapi tuh la hakikatnya, aku dah 25 tahun, macam cepat betul masa berjalan. Ingat lagi masa zaman2 sekolah dulu, lepak2 ngan geng syima,lily,malina,mona, nadiah, n mek konon2 nak kawin dalam umur 24 camtuh tak tua sangat, nanti sanding tak nak 1 pengapit jek, seme-seme kena jadi pengapit. EKEKE end up skang nih malina n mona dah jadi ibu skang, lily, mek n syima dah jd tunangan orang, tinggal la aku ngan nad, ahakss bila nihh sehhh..

Semalam aku gi 7E sek7, masa tuh dah kul 1 pagi, aku runner gi beli roti n telur, jiah pesan. Dengan eknya aku masuklah 7E tuh n terus mencari roti n telur, gi kaunter nak bayo, aku perasan mamat 7E sorang lagi dok kat tepi kaunter n aku pun terpandang laa muka dia. AISEEHHH kekasih gelapku la pulak,isk isk, tersentap jap aku jumpa dia, dia pun terkerut2 kening coz aku dah gelabah, n somehow leh lak lupa nama mamat nih,ahaks dgn brutalnya aku tanya kat dia SAPA ek Nama ala ala LUpa laaa..member tambah kerut lagi tensen, dia sebut nama aku with hope aku ingat nama dia tapi siyes aku memang lupa giler nama dia, sib baik dia bagitau nama dia, shahrul….. adehh tp tue a dalam aku gabra n kalut tuh, dia lagik wat aku tensen n tanye aku sal aku dah gemuk…. arghhh geramm tul akakaka, tp tuh laa aku pun selamba la jawab tengah bahagia, dia lak terus assume n tanye ko kawin biller, ahaks aku biarkan je soalan tu n cakap bye n blah.. malam tuh terus teringat kat dia, terimbas kenangan silam zaman dip dulu. Ekeke,ala bukan ada apa pun ngan mamat nih, hanya minat dalam diam jek la tp tak terluah gitu. Tuh pun sib baik zai yg bagitau kat aku dia minat but then dia sendiri tarik diri coz tengok aku rapat ngan muaz. Dah a tarik diri terus lak cari pengganti, hampeh tul punye jantan..wallalalallala…tapi takpe aku tetap ingat dia sebagai rakan sekelas ku yg ske sangat pakai jersy MU.

Tadi pula, aku browse friendster, layan page syima, dok tengok2 friends’ list dia aku nampak SMBTR nye page, terus aku bukak n browse friends’ list SMBTR, skalik terjumpa la plak member laki yg kamcheng ngan aku, barry, isk dah lain benor muka dia, buka page dia tengok geng lain seme dah lain, seme dah berkerjaya, berjaya, impressive sangat tengok diri derang. Masa tuh la aku tengok diri sendiri balik, how far have i come?

memacam betul idup nih, hidup umpama roda, kadang2 kite di atas kadang2 kite di bawah. Sentiasa berputar. Kalu wat baik insya allah balasnya baik kalu wat jahat begitulah balasannya. Entahlaa, kengkadang kefahaman tentang balasan nih mengelirukan jugak, buat baik berpada-pada pun ada gak orang tak apprieciate, bukan nak mintak appreciation but tak terkenang ke kesungguhan, keikhlasan kite menolong or wat baik dengan seseorang but then semuanya boleh dibuang macam tu saja. Sampai setitik kebaikan tentang orang itu hilang terus. Perlu ke nak buat baik lagi pada orang yang tak pernah realize our sincerity, or orang yang baru kite kenali yang sememangnya kita tak tau hati budinya lagi. A big question mark ??

Kengkadang perhubungan persahabatan yang dah lama terjalin pun tak membawa erti. Sebagai kawan bukankah perlunya dia mengerti kebahagian dan kedukaan kita. Apa ertinya kawan kalau hanya setakat nak ambil pada nama or just nak orang tau kite ada kawan. Erti kawan tuh dah jadi meaningless, itu lah yang aku rasa skang. Betul la kata member baik aku, erti BEST FRIEND tuh bawa seribu maksud, patutlah ianya harus dihargai. Thanks beb coz still make me one of yours..

Ahaks leh lak emosinal memalam nih, tapi tu lah makin larut malam nih, makin mendalam aku pk. The environment surrounding us. Peers, media, family semua main peranan MeNGaCaU minda aku memalam..hahaha..sadis sungguh. tapi tu la hakikatnya. Dalam soal perhubungan, kengkadang the ‘fire’,'dazzle’,'luscious’, or etc hilang. But then sometimes its there, but then it didn’t click. Serasi Ke? Entahlah, masa makin berlalu, cita-cita, impian, terlaksana ke? Rasa macam baru je bangun dari masa lampau, dulu hanya cakap kosong, sooner or later it’s real. TErcapai ke?